Engaging our children in the parsha

The following are some suggestions of ideas for conversations with our children by the Shabbos meals. The key here is to get the children involved through debate and stimulation.

Parshas Chayei Soro: Getting married

In Parshas Chayei Soro it brings the episode of how Avrohom instructed his servant, Eliezer, to find a wife for Yitzchok. Upon reflection we learn from here many aspects on the Jewish approach to shidduchim. Let us understand this by the power of contrast. How is marriage viewed amongst the other nations? Usually it is understand as a partnership. Like in business, two people come together and help each other doing different chores. Only here it is a partnership at home. Like in business if the partners do not get on together they separate so too by marriage. The start of this is when these two people “love” each other first only then do they get married.

However, the Jewish view is that marriage is much more. It is not simply two people partnering but rather it is them becoming as one. There are two parts that join together to be one. By Yitzchok we find that first he got married and only then afterwards did he come on to really love her – (Chayei Soro, 24:67).  Shidduchim is the process of finding the correct match to enable this to happen and this is where Parshas Chayei Soro comes in.

Gathering information before meeting

How do you know who is right for you – which girl or which boy? Surely, you must first let the singles decide for themselves to go and meet each other a few times and get to know each other and only then at some point later decide! However, this is not the Jewish approach. Let us look at the Avos and how they went about finding a wife.

The Torah does not tell us about Avrohom and Soro but does tell us about Yiztchok and Rivka in Parshas Chayei Soro. The most important thing to Avrohom was the family of the girl before even looking at the girl herself. Then there was the good middos that had to be seen in the girl as seen by the fact that Rivka went out of her way to do chesed to Eliezer and his camels. All this was the groundwork done before the girl and boy met.

This is seen nowadays how before meeting the prospective boy and girl , their parents make enquires about the other’s family and the actual person concerned before setting up any meeting.

Is this still true nowadays?

However, it has been pointed out that unfortunately, nowadays this has changed due to technology. This is because in the olden days the person’s nature could be seen by what they came in contact with and this involved family and friends. However, with technology and the internet, this has made negative inroads where even a good family can have a child that has been negatively effected and this is not reflected in making enquiries about the family.

What to do about it?

I think the best way is to speak to friends who are constantly around the person and ask them about any signs of strange behaviour. However, i am no expert and this is my own personal feeling. Please feel free to leave your comments below for your opinions and suggestions. …