Introduction – what is it all about?
Living with Mussar is something essential for any serious Jew. Every person is made up of middos that are evoked in different situations. Examples include anger, jealousy, desires, etc. Very often people go about their lives without paying too much attention to their own character traits (although they complain about them when they see it being done by others!). Middos left uncontrolled is always a cause for trouble and unpleasantness – as each true person can for sure testify about themselves. The subjects to be discussed here are underlying the problems with general suggestions of how to go about dealing with them.
Learning Mussar
Most Yeshivos have was is known as a Mussar Seder. This is where the take a sefer that seems to come to tell then off! Sifrei Mussar are simply revealing the truth and this can be painful. However, we are placed in this world to serve Hashem and chazal tell us that Derech Eretz Kodma LaTorah, middos control is needed before learning Torah that is essential for the continued existence of the world. This means that mussar comes before Torah and is also a basis for the world! We can understand better the Chofetz Chaim in his Mishna Berura who tells us that for someone who is limited with his learning time – the first preference should be given to learning Mussar! Another reason for mussar coming first is that when a person learns it, he realises that he really has more time for Torah learning!
Famous Sifrei Mussar
There are many famous seforim used for learning mussar. To name a few: Chovas Halvovous, Mesillas Yeshorim, Sharei Teshuva.
How to learn Mussar?
People think that all they need to do is simply open the mussar sefer and read and they thereby have fulfilled the requirement for mussar. However, when analysing their daily lives, they can clearly see that this type of learning mussar has hardly changed or positively effected them! How then are you meant to learn mussar that can change your life?
The key here is not bekiyas but biyan, meaning that the key is not to cover ground and know all the problems but it is to get point by point to penetrate our innermost essence until is there even on a subconscious level! This is done by taking one point and thinking about it by repeating it again and again, especially if you feel some emotion how this point is relevant to you. This is needed as very often the middos erupt under different situations without being able to hold it back until it is too late. Mussar therefore comes as pre-emptive measures to deal the middos before they come into play.
Main Mussar is by constant observation
Until now we have discussed tackling mussar through seforim. This needs to be complemented by continued awareness throughout each day. This is like a business is constantly re-analysing how it is doing and learning from the different situations where to focus on and where to leave, ect. Mussar requires this same constant analysis in which middos need dealing with and in what way they arise. Once a person knows his own middos, this is when the avoda of how to deal with them starts.